A Year of Grief

A few days ago marked the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death, and today Facebook reminded me of this photo of her from 11 years ago.

I won’t begin to try and capture in this post the depth and breadth of thoughts and feelings that have passed through me in this last year, those will have to be captured in a much longer piece of prose that I’m not quite ready for, but I can summarize them with a few words.

Grief
Sorrow
Regret
Ache
Remorse

But also,

Gratitude
Laughter
Silliness
Growth
Acceptance

The day this was taken, she had came to hang out with me in my office at the Montrose Daily Press and brought her adorable bassett hound puppy, Ellie (I’ll share that photo in the comments for your enjoyment). I remember that she felt very feminine and pretty that day, which is why I took the photo. I also remember that she struggled to feel those things, or anything very positive about her physical appearance, through many years of a debilitating illness. I also remember that, even though I knew she carried that weight, I didn’t offer her the words of affirmation I knew she needed. So, now I share those words that I withheld then.

Teresa, you were beautiful that day, and many other days. From now on, when people see a photo of you and say that we look alike, I will respond with gratitude and affirmation. I will rejoice in knowing that my smile resembles yours, and I will strive to make sure the lightness in my heart resembles yours, too.