What's Your Struggle?

You’ve gained too much weight. You should be thinner. You should be exercising today. You need to lose weight to be more attractive. Don’t post that picture, it makes you look chubby...

*

On and on...these are the things I tell myself every morning and every time I look in a mirror or see a photo of myself.

*

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the things we tell ourselves carry power, how there’s no louder voice in our heads than our own. That internal dialogue, those things we say to ourselves over and over, those are the things we really believe. Those are the things that determine how we feel about ourselves, and oftentimes how we project for others to feel about us, too.

*

It’s no secret that I’ve struggled with health issues and surgeries over the past few years, and the result has been a massive loss of fitness, a large amount of weight gain, and a darn big blow to my mental health.

*

With the words I referenced above constantly flowing through my head, it’s impossible to feel a sense of confidence in my appearance. I’m super critical of every photo I’m in, and I don’t post a lot of them because they just highlight all of the things I tell myself every morning. I’m self-conscious nearly every time I’m around others, and especially in any sort of romantic setting or around someone whose opinion I value.

*

I finally understand that it’s time for me to change my own internal dialogue. It’s time to tell myself a different story when I look in the mirror.

*

You’re a woman with sexy curves and a body that fills out any outfit you put on. You’re a strong athlete that can climb mountains and descend into canyons and paddle down rivers that most people never touch. You don’t have the 6-pack anymore, but you have a deep gratitude for the things your body can do and you take advantage of it every chance you get. You have a big heart and a bright smile and a whole lot of passion. You’re a sexy beast.

*

I think I’ll try that litany on for size. In the meantime, this is me. A photo that I avoided posting because it shows all the parts of me that have made me cringe for so long.

*

So that’s my struggle, my internal dialogue, and my intention to change it. What’s yours?