The Least Version of Myself

In many ways, I am currently the least version of myself.

Some may see it that way, anyway.

The least driven.  The least invested. The least busy.  The least employed.  The least immersed. The least committed.

And it’s all very intentional.

A good friend asked me a few days ago what goals I have for this summer.  My response was immediate and likely not what was expected.  My singular goal this summer is to stay free.  To remain untethered.  To let previous commitments wind down and to clear the deck. To arrive in Spain on September 1 with no definitive plan for after I return at the end of October.  To spend 7 weeks on my own walking 500 miles across northern Spain, exploring other parts of Europe, and deciding what I want the next season of my life to look like.  Where do I want to be?  What do I want to focus my energy on?  How do I want to earn a living?  What goals will I have?  How do I want to grow?

Life by design. Every aspect thought out. Every decision made with intention. Every turn taken with a destination in mind. Every choice a chance. Every chance a choice.

This will be the third time in my thirties that I have intentionally stepped back and redesigned my life.  Twice already, I’ve chosen to step away from earning well into six figure incomes with careers that brought me joy and validation, but have eventually left something wanting.  Once again, I’m choosing to re-envision my path. To pick a new direction.  To live by different rules.  Or maybe some of the same.  Time will tell.  That’s the beauty of life by design.   

It’s not easy. It’s not simple.  It’s hard for many to understand.  It’s impossible for many to relate to.  Which also makes it a bit lonely.  And scary.  And overwhelming.  Even so, it’s worth it.

There are two key things that I’ve found to being able to do this, to reinventing my life time and again, and to finding success and happiness each time.

The first is to start with a clear deck.  A blank slate.  An open mind.  To start by knowing the things I value and how I want to feel. To allow the universe to bring those into my life and to have the space to welcome them with open arms and a resounding YES. To not be too busy or too distracted or too committed to allow something new in.  To be able to take the right fork in the road just because it feels right.  Or maybe the left.  Or heck, maybe just step off of the road and go traipsing through the bushes.  Life by design.

The second key is to not be afraid of the unknown.  To not let fear of not being sure where I’ll live or what I’ll do for work and who I’ll spend time with keep me from wiping the slate clean, from opening myself up to all of the possibilities the world has to offer.  To having every bit of confidence in myself on figuring it out, and, not just surviving, but flourishing.  On coming back even stronger and happier and brighter than before, just like the phoenix that I wear on a chain around my neck and tattooed on my back.

So I may be the least of a lot of things right now, but I am also the most. The most focused. The most clear. The most attentive.  The most determined.  The most open.

Life by design.